Friday, October 21, 2011

How Not to Make Your House Smell Like A$$

Don't bring cauliflower into it.  EVER.

I picked up the Paleo Comfort Food cookbook & noticed it had several recipes for cauliflower in place of potatoes & rice.  So while at the grocery store on Wednesday I picked up a head of cauliflower to try out a couple of recipes.  One was the mashed 'potatoes' & the other was 'rice'.

I cut up the cauliflower into 3 different portions.  One was to steam for the 'potatoes', one was to 'rice' & the other was just put in a Ziploc for later.   I threw out the unused cauliflower in the garbage can.

While getting the water ready to steam I put some cauliflower into my food processor to 'rice' it.  Sure enough after a few seconds the cauliflower looks similar to rice.  I put the new 'rice' into a container to store in the fridge to use another day.

Meanwhile, the water was ready so I put some cauliflower in to steam to make mashed 'potatoes'.  (Mind you, I have vague recollections of my Mom making steamed brocolli & cauliflower back in the '80s and a not so pleasant smell but I wasn't thinking about those memories at this point.)  As the cauliflower steamed it put off a not so fresh smell but nothing too terribly bad.  Maybe that was because I was in the house & couldn't tell how bad it really was. 

Once the cauliflower was soft I took it out & added some cheese, milk & butter & mashed it up like potatoes.  I also added a little garlic salt & black pepper.  I then tasted it.  Wow, not bad.  I actually thought it was pretty edible.  Steve on the other hand about threw up when he tried it.  Thankfully he didn't though.

I put all the leftovers in Ziploc containers & put them in the fridge.  It wasn't until the next day the real nastiness started.  

The next day I got home after Steve so he had already let Karma out to do her business.  When I got out of the car Steve was all mad because Karma made the whole house smell like $hit.  He couldn't find any $hit so he said she was probably just farting a lot but regardless the house smelled B.A.D.  The moment I walked in I knew it wasn't Karma.  It was that darn cauliflower!  It smelled like P.O.O.P!

We figured it was the stuff that I threw in the garbage can so we took that out to the bin.  I started tho throw out the stuff in the fridge but Steve said no.  He doesn't like throwing out perfectly good food.  Afterwards, we lit some candles & aired the house out. 

Now the next day we come home & again the house smells like a$$.  Seriously, how can one vegetable be so smelly?!?  I pull the stuff out of the fridge.  Steve again starts to say don't throw it out but at the same moment I open the Ziploc containers & he got a nice whiff.  Let me just say I really wish I had a video camera to record his reaction.  His face got all contorted & then he ran off to the bathroom.  I about peed my pants from laughing so hard!

So the moral of the story is don't bring cauliflower into your home unless you enjoy the smell of a$$.


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